Really, GDL? REALLY?...
Save Jared, this league as a whole looked pathetic this week. PATHETIC.
"But Eric, you didn't do well... in fact, you were the worst."
Yes, thats true. And when I look at the scoreboard and realize my running backs combined for 10 points, Jamal Charles forgot how to play football and Drew Brees gets shut down, I cringe. The worst part... Colleen wins her 5th game in a row, and she didn't deserve to win either.
"But Eric, Neal had 99 points, and Josh had 88. It wasn't ALL that bad."
Let me break it to you like this: There's 8 teams in the league. 8. You all collectively have at least 3-4 fantasy studs on your team. With an 8-team league, there's an understanding by all parties that anything under 100 points is kind of mediocre, but anything under 90 is sad. 6-of-8 teams placed under the 90-point mark this week.
"But Eric, this week was a fluke ... my team generally sucks."
No Jared, your team, with Aaron Rogers, Rob Gronkowski and Julio Jones should be right there in the mix every week. You're RB platoon is not amazing, granted. But McFadden can at least chip in 10-plus points a game to go with a stellar passing regime your team boasts. In fact, your 123-point performance puts you square in the mix for the Division Race and a possible playoff push. Fuck you and making excuses for your 4-4 record. If you lose out on the playoffs, its your fault, not Shonne Greene and Steven Jackson's fault.
Here's the Power Rankings:
T-1. Colleen (6-2)
T-1. Neal (6-2)
3. Josh (5-3)
4. Jared (4-4)
T-5. Eric (4-4)
T-5. Kevin (4-4)
7. Jon (2-6)
8. Monica (1-7)
Now, a personal message to each of you individually from the commish about your awful weeks:
Colleen: You win. Again. Congrats. You win 5 in a row and are officially the hottest team now in fantasy football at this time... But know that the next time you take a shit in the form of 76 points and don't spray, its going to comeback to haunt you. 76 points is awful, and 76 points in the future will cause you to miss out on the top seed or maybe even worse.
Neal: A stellar win this week, one point shy of 100. Propels you to 6-2 and now you are in striking distance for the league's top record... You are the luckiest son of a bitch ever though. What a ballsy move to play Titus Young, for 22 POINTS??? You should have lost to Vick in a Box, if not for JORDY NELSON. Its better to be lucky than good sometimes, but you are skating on thin ice, and the ice eventually will break.
Josh: I have nothing really for you. Arian Foster was out and you still managed to put up 88-points. Not too shabby, I guess. You should probably figure out if your keeping Jennings or dropping him though. He's a huge waste of space on your bench. And your QB situation is pretty unbearable to watch too. You might have to initiate some trades soon, especially since you have Arian Foster, Matt Forte and the Bears' D, and yet are STILL looking up at Colleen and Neal in the standings.
Jared: I just hate you and everything about your incessant whining about how your fantasy football team sucks because your players suck. Just admit: you suck and shut up.
Eric (yes, I can't call you all out without calling myself out too...): You have the best core of starting WR's, RB's, TE's a sweet defense and the best QB situation in the league... and yet you still have 4 losses.... you are a pathetic, worthless shit hole, and if you can take this roster and STILL miss the playoffs, you should probably resign from the league and take up ballet, because at that point, you're a giant pussy faggot...
Kevin: You had every player available. You still managed to only get 3 players in double digits. One was your kicker. This was a sad performance from you, and you better make up for this... by buying me a shot in the MGM lobby in 6 weeks. Or a beer at the Cardinals/Lions game... whichever you prefer.
Jon: Tom Brady and AP alone should make almost every team a playoff contender, and yet you've mustered up a measly 2 wins. I'm still confused. DeMarco Murray out hasn't helped your cause, but none the less this has been tough to watch. And to think you haven't even had an NHL season to distract you...
Monica: You've been dumped on harder than anyone else. 835 points against?... Thats insane. But your team still sucks in general. 619 points for? Everyone else has at least 700 points. its your first season, granted. But Now that you've taken your hits, its time to get a couple wins and momentum into next season.
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