WHATS LEFT GOING INTO MONDAY!

For the officially finished games...

COLLEEN DEF. JARED, 114-93
We all know how much Colleen really wanted this to be a close, grind it out rivalry for bragging rights, but the truth is, its hard to imagine a scenario where Colleen didn't win this match up. Jared's skill players have sunk to fantasy lows, and after a strong start, it looks as though Jared's team has officially hit the shitter.

It's almost to the point where Colleen probably can't be overly excited or proud about the win, as a win over this kind of a team is just sort of expected. Like an NFL team playing a group of kids with down syndrome.

NEAL DEF. KEVIN, 114-102
Valiant effort by Brennan to storm back in the later part of the day, but in the end it just wasn't enough to knock Neal off the unbeaten pedestal. Neal's undefeated chances took a hit when the Raven's D and Ray Rice combined for a subpar, not very Ray Rice like performance on Thursday. But the Fighting Calvins found a way, behind stupendous efforts from Matt Ryan, AJ Green and Dwayne Bowe. Jordy Nelson was also key in the victory.

Kevin, on the other hand found some strength and even positives in the loss. The Patriots do indeed have a run game with Stevan Ridley... albeit against the Bills woeful defense, which might be the biggest NFL disappointment thus far a quarter the way through the season.


Games essentially over...

ERIC LEADS MONICA, 145-75
In a parallel universe in which Miles Austin gets an automatic 50 points to start the game for being handsome, Monica would at least have a shot. Miles Austin is not a 70+ point player, nor really all that handsome, so Monica is going to fall to Eric for her 4th straight loss. The Triple D's are still looking for their first career win, but she will have to wait another week.

Only two players on Eric's roster scored under 10 points, and San Fransisco's Defense was the highest scoring fantasy play in all of Week 4 (tied with Tom Brady). All three of Eric's running backs were better than 17 points, and a combined 26 point effort from the WR's capped the best overall week by a fantasy team this season in the GDL. Great momentum push going into next week's showdown with Jon.


A Game going down to the wire...

JOSH LEADS JON, 71-62
Both these squads have looked inept, to say the least in Week 4. Nunen holds the 9 point lead going into Monday night, and still gets the Bears' Defense put into play as well. Dez Bryant probably won't provide much buffer for Josh, but he's better than nothing.

Meanwhile, Backus will have to rely on DeMarco Murray and Brandon Marshall to provide the big push to compete for the lead. A win over Josh will go a long way for Jon, as a win would cement a three way tie in the Korn Division with Eric and Jared, with a chance to knock Eric out of it next week...

The theme of this picture is simple. Some teams simply have no clue what the fuck they are doing... period.

Given every single line up stays the same going into the match ups tomorrow, here's what you can expect from the weekend match-ups, from Eric Wallace's stand point.

MONICA (0-3) vs. ERIC (1-2)

Its been a rough go of it for the Zeebster to start her rookie campaign. Eventually, things have to start looking up at some point, and against Eric's weaker squad in Week 4, this might just be the week to pull out the "Slump Buster."

Matt Stafford has struggled thus far this season, but he's due for a huge game at some point. Most think it will be against the Vikings, who have found some defensive success to start the 2012 campaign, but haven't faced a truly accomplished passing attack like the Lions yet. Call me crazy, but I believe the move to play Cedric Benson is a wise move in the flex. Against an atrocious Saints rush defense, even Benson should bust out yards and a TD on Sunday.

Eric has struggled to find consistency at the RB position. Jamal Charles has been unreliable one week and explosive the next. But Marshawn Lynch has finally come into his own, and once Bradshaw can get back 100% healthy, the running attack could be dangerous.

And don't turn your back on RG3, the league leader in points thus far. RG3 and Damaryius Thomas boost the Vicks in a Box past Beaston Implants in a tight one, 101-98.

NEAL (3-0) vs. KEVIN (2-1)

Neal bolted out of the gates this season and has never looked back. Ray Rice and Matt Ryan have dominated for the Fighting Calvins, and with everyone's deficiencies, it looks like its going to be a coast to the playoffs for that Fedora wearing faggot.

Despite the success, NP's wins have come at the hands of a much weaker division. The combined W-L record of his opponents thus far is (2-7). His upcoming three divisional opponents are a much more respectable (5-4), and all three have had losses in the higher digits as well.

Kevin is one of those opponents, with WR's that have blasted out of Week 3 with momentum and a surprise pick in Trent Richardson. The key to this one, albeit closer than the current spread, will be how much success Eli Manning finds against the Eagles secondary... Calvins 110, Usain's 40's 102.

JARED (1-2) vs. COLLEEN (1-2)

This might end up being a close match-up once its finished, but it will be boring as fuck. Not even because Colleen keeps jumping on Waiver Wire RB's that get hurt and is running with shit at this point, and not because Jared's team is boring in general to watch, but mostly because while this match-up is going on, WE ALL KNOW these two will undeniably cuddle and hold each other like fucking douche bags at the end of it.

Don't believe me? Ask Colleen... Even she proclaimed in her mightiest shit talk to Jared earlier in the week: "God, I hope Spiller plays this week so I can CRUSH you! <3"

Heart?... HEART??? God go watch "Dear John" together, you nasty fuck buckets... Pet it it Grew's 93, Boy's Hole 87.

JON (1-2) vs. JOSH (2-1)

And last but certainly not least... the rumor mill is proclaiming NHL Commish Gary Betteman and Union's Donald Fehr are meeting to discuss this weekend about ending the NHL Lockout, in an attempt to save the upcoming season... 

...Blow Up Doll 110, Dick Snipers 67.

SEE YA!

WEEK 3 Power Rankings

Its that simple. Neal is keeping his stranglehold over the top spot this week, finishing in the top three every week with back to back #1 performances. As calculated, Neal is slowly pulling himself away from the rest of the pack, and as everyone's teams seem to have a few deficiencies, at least Neal is able to get a consistant 20+ points from somewhere on the roster.

Meanwhile, Monica is left in the cellar this week, and will really need a huge boost in Week 4 in order to pull herself out of the bottom spot a week from today. Even then, its would take a HUGE margin of victory over Eric to do it. The odds aren't in her favor.

Everyone else is "leveling out" in the middle, so to speak. Kevin is bouncing back after an atrocious Week One performance, while Eric and Jared found themselves falling down the list with little room for error next week.

Things are starting to sift into place. This bodes well for Neal, but not so much for Monica...

1) Neal (3-0, Prev. 1) Ray Rice, MJD, Matt Ryan, AJ Green. In the clutch. Four players that outscored Monica, Eric, Jared and Colleen's entire team. Nuff said.

2) Josh (2-1, Prev. 2) Arian Foster is, well Arian Foster. Watch out for Tony Gonzales, with 3TD's already. And HOLY EFFING DEFENSE, Chicago!

T-3) Kevin (2-1, Prev. 6) Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald FINALLY had star type games. Kevin can't wait to see the two play each other in Glendale in December... Neither can I :)

T-3) Colleen (1-2, Prev. 3) And all that massive shit talk about CJ Spiller... The only thing keeping Colleen out of the Fantasy dunk tank in Week 3: Her kicker. Ouch.

5) Jared (2-1, Prev 3) Aaron Rogers has been non existant so far this season. Not that it mattered much, as 3 players scored double digits.

T-6) Eric (1-2, Prev 5) Jamal Charles did WHAT?... And he was on your BENCH?... Bench blunder of the year, thus far.

T-6) Jon (1-2, Prev.7) No one player single handedly power housed Jon to victory. But as the 'ole saying goes, steady always wins the race.

8) Monica (0-3, Prev. 8) At some point, one has to wonder if Chris Johnson is even worth playing. Then again, is this entire fantasy line up really worth playing either?...

WEEK 2: POWER RANKINGS

What a difference a week can make. A dominant performance in Week 1 for Jared leads to a weak performance in Week 2, and yet still manages to beat Jon by 8. Meanwhile, Josh punds the pavement with 99 points but was no match for Colleen's outrageous 132 point performance. So this edition of the rankings is going to be tough to muster. I think I made a          fair set of rankings, so here goes nothing...                                                      

(Ok, so before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, I'm combining your Week 2 performances with your previous performances. So if you beat your opponent and you're still ranked behind them... don't bitch. There was actual math put into this, so STFU...)

Week One Power Rankings

Its hard to do a real set of Power Rankings only one week into the season, but someone has to do them.  Thus, I give you the really early POWER RANKINGS, WEEK ONE!


BOTTOM FEEDERS:

Sad Face. I only scored Monica a point.

8. Monica
Bonus points awarded for having an outrageously awesome week in total points!.. Then immediately lose said bonus points for having 62% of you points on your bench.

7. Kevin
You have to think that Megatron and Fitzgerald will do better than 16 combined points next week, and that the RB's and flex will score more than 7 combined points as well. Plus the injuries... Rough start for KB.


IN THE HUNT: 

6. Colleen
A number of things went wrong for CP, such as Fred Taylor leaving the game, Antonio Brown dropping TD passes and Cam Newton not being Cam Newton-esq. A slim loss that CP could easily bounce back from in Week 2.

I'm back, bitches. And Backus wins.

4 (Tie) Backus
JB held the lead for most of the match up, until Ray Rice went bananas and sent The Snipers packing. But an encouraging start for the rookie, none the less, and we're all but certain JB's next opponents won't be so lucky to see Adrian Peterson on the bench, either...

4 (Tie) Wallace
A less than stellar win for EW. Brees was solid, but the Defense, RB and Flex issues almost cost EW the match. Provided Lynch is 100%, this team could be trouble. but even that's a MAJOR if...


THE REGULATORS:

3. Neal
Solid comeback from NP, all on the shoulders of Ray Rice, who was brilliant. So was was Jimmy Graham and Matt Ryan, who was connecting with Julio Jones all day and making the Chiefs look stupid. NP will need improvements from his WR's, Flex and RB's not named Ray from here on out, as Ryan and Rice probably won't combine for over 50 every game.

2. Josh
Best RB performance of the week, with Foster, Forte and Kevin Smith combining for 57 points.  Greg Jennings and Dez Bryant were off and will need to rebound, but solid effort from Fuck Head this week.

1. Glick

Suck it. 

Rogers was Rogers. Texans/D stomped a terrible Miami offense. And NEWS FLASH!... Julio jones was a beast. Next News Flash: Jones will NOT put up 22 points on a regular basis, but nice performance none the less.

THREE PENIS WINE, from TACO, CORP.

WEEK ONE: Sunday Night Recap, Monday Night Preview

Week One Match-ups, heading into the Monday Night Games:

Basic Recap:

I Put My Vick In A Box has officially defeated You Pet It, It Grew... Antonio Brown against the Broncos on Sunday night was It Grew's last chance to win, but Brown buffed some passes and alas, It Grew falls short. It Grew will try to rebound next week against Denard's Blow Up Doll.

For all intensive purposes, Triple D Breaston Implants has also lost to Troll Toll Boy's Hole in Week One. Unless Darren McFadden manages to gain -53 yards against the Chargers Monday night, Triple D will be doubled up by Troll Toll in her Fantasy debut.

Faster Than Usain's 40 had a rough go of it Week One, but it would have taken a monumental effort to be able to defeat Denard's Blow Up Doll in Week One anyways. Life is good when all three of your starting running back combine for more points than the opponent...

The only undecided game left on the docket are the defending champs 1000 Degrees Calvin, who are currently down to the rookie The Dick Snipers by 14 heading into the Monday night games. 1000 Degrees still has the ever explosive Ray Rice and Fleet of Foot AJ Green going on Monday Night, and Torrey Smith will add to the potential fire power. Antonio Gates steps in for The Snipers, as does the Bengals Defense. Still plenty to be decided in this matchup come Monday evening.